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Friday, 8 July 2016

Solitude Pain

I came under that same old tree and glanced at that torn up swing which was filled with full of unwanted memories. I sat at the swing and yet again I was meditating under the vast blue sky. The ropes felt wet again, just like always, 'cause of my tears which were soaked deep within them. 

The breeze touched me gently on my cheeks, all the regrets I carried with me, I felt them touch my heart with pain as the wind walked me to my destination. The solitude hurt me, it was a pain in the heart which no medicine could heal. I searched for my reason to exist, but this question was unanswerable like always. No one recognized me for the way I am, but perhaps it was the way of life.

The clouds whispered at me again, I felt the warmth inside me rising while I was losing the hope of the ambitions of my life. The pain was unbearable, which couldn't be described in words, there was no bleeding nor was there any scar on my heart, yet the pain was real.

The fear inside me was just a reflection, a reflection of nothing but shadows. The blood which was boiling up inside me, I couldn't help myself but just to resist it. Crying was a joke for me now. People who cry all the time are just some crybabies for the rest of their lives. I complained more than I thanked myself, which I just made myself a joke.

The birds were chirping and yet again I got lost in these four little chambers. Thousands of memories got recalled in my mind, but the feeling of solitude couldn't go away. This pain in the heart is a pain which one could feel the nerves of it deep inside, but just couldn't help himself resist from it.

Feelings were nothing to me now, they were simply just a toy which got lost by a child years ago. I started to love being alone, cause I wasn't afraid of the fears which were roaming inside my soul, those were nothing but some shadows. A bright light was needed inside me to erase the shadows within myself.

But yet again, the loneliness created inside me got far more ahead of the shadows, and far more ahead of the fears. Those fears were nothing but the fears of being alone. And those fears led me to find the reason of my existence and that what I am capable of.

The winds blew again which made me stand once again. I stood strong and laughed at myself for the path I was choosing. The pain in the heart was nothing more than a pinch in a soul now. All the memories of the past were just my past, so I laughed once again and headed for my future.

The wind carried me to my destination, the pain led me to become much stronger than who I was yesterday and the memories became nothing more than motivation for me. I stood up and started walking away from the swing along with the winds. There was nothing more left for me now but to carry my ambitions again. The swing was swinging back & forth while I already reached my destination. Perhaps, the pain in the heart can only be healed by love of everyone.

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