Edge

She stood there- on the very edge. One step ahead and everything would end; the pain, the tears, the loneliness, the bitter fact of what life actually is. She blinked tears away from her eyes and yet she couldn't understand the real reason behind these tears. She was about to make everything right, wasn't she? She was about to do what every other person wanted for to happen and yet she cried. She cried where tears fell with every blink. She could feel them first welling up and then brushing down her cheeks. she felt numb. This was it. One step and everything would end. FINALLY END. She stood there to look at what her life was one final time. She closed her eyes and took aa deep breath as the memories came rushing back.

"1st September: -No one was home, She sat there on the couch. The first turn in her life was about to come. It was just a normal day like any other, and yet she felt special that day. For then, she didn't know why but that day just started to seem magical. Just talking to her friends and random people like she usually did where she suddenly came across someone. At first it was nothing, then slowly she realized a feeling developing inside her and suddenly for the first time in her life, she knew what she actually wanted. Determined. Not desperate, but determined instead. She waited and waited until patience ran out and finally it happened. The turn in her life. She knew how beautiful could life just be. She, for the very first time, finally knew what it was like to be special, to mean something to someone"

She opened her eyes to just face what everything was like, not the time had changed everything. She didn't want to interrupt her flashbacks but she was sick of dreaming and finally, she had accepted to face the reality. The reality which forced her to do this.

Another flashback.

"For the first time her life was now finally on a settled path. She had finally found a reason to live. She never knew how it felt to actually care about someone else more than you cared for yourself. She finally knew how it was to talk to someone who meant the world to her. A smile never left her face but as they say; smiles fade as time passes by. She also knew how it was like to feel lonely without someone. They had recently argued upon crack in her own small little word. She had never imagined any such thing to happen but she was a bit too careful that the mistakes she made were not in her own sight. She knew it was her own fault. She knew she had flaws. She was just not ready to accept that someone who meant the world to her could have flaws. She knew that 'her world' was just perfect. Total perfection. And now she felt lonely. Just for a short period of time, nut for the first time she missed someone's presence. For the first time she cried for someone. That was the one and only time her tears were rewarded."

She opened her eyes once again with voices echoing inside her head. Promises being made to be there no matter what. To face every difficulty together. But once again the reality was in front of her. She was standing on the edge of a cliff- a single step and everything changes. Alone. But once again she felt someone's presence missing. She closed her eyes wanting the past to continue replaying.

"22nd November: No arguments, nothing, just a peaceful day was made magical by someone's presence. She was so lost in her dreams that she didn't see what was coming. The second crack to her world. Someone who chose to join the paths with someone is now asking to slowly drift away so that the separate paths could be taken. So that one life, one person, one body- has to split into two. The promises rush through her mind and she can't think straight. This feeling, emptiness, she had never known it before, yet right now she could tell. She didn't need justifications. She was so hurt for the first time ever that for her, nothing mattered anymore. She was so happy that morning but happiness doesn't last forever, does it? Her smile changed into tears. She felt broken. Betrayed. Lonely. Empty. Hurt. By someone whom she called her own. That was the first time she wandered that- was this what you got in return for loving someone? A billion questions popped into her mind. Questions she knew that she could now, never be able to answer."

She opened her eyes once again wanting the flashbacks to stop. She didn't want to remember. She didn't want to remember anything from her past. This was it. She could take one step, and it would solve everything, wouldn't it? She looked down the cliff and closed her eyes, without wanting the memories to come back once again.

"What hadn't she done? Self-harm? Suicide attempts? But none of them worked. Life and death are in the hands of God. She had tried everything she could just to let go of the past, but she couldn't. Sometimes it hurts to hold onto something, but sometimes it hurts even more to let go. She wanted to hold onto her past. The memories. She knew memories were a way of holding onto the things you are, the things you love, and the things you never want to lose. She knew it was difficult to forget someone who gave her so much to remember"

The memories- bringing waves of emotions. The first time they had talked. The first time they saw each other. The first time they heard each others voice. She knew that the decision she made was correct. She knew she would be able to make everything right. But she would never be able to listen to that voice asking her to come back, because she was missed by someone who had been a major part of her life.

She knew she would never be able to see her entire world in someone's eyes. She knew that now all those things would end. She knew that now she had to make this one last sacrifice, although she was sick of sacrificing her feelings for people who didn't care. She knew this was the last sacrifice to be made. After this- nothing. People who had a soft corner in their hearts would feel sorry, but for how long? One day? Two days? or maybe even three? But after that, everything would be the way it used to be. Life was nothing to her now. Nobody knew she was here and once she had done what she intended to do, nothing could be undone.

She knew she was nothing special. She was just a common person with common thoughts, and she knew that she had led a common life her whole life. There were no monuments dedicated to her and her name would soon be forgotten, but she had loved someone with all her heart and soul and for her, that was enough. She had loved someone so much that now she had to do this. Tears ran down her cheeks. There was no going back now.


She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

Suddenly, she could feel the air against her skin. Fast. She could feel herself in mid air. And then. Suddenly.

" BLACK OUT "

But always remember, SHE LOST. She lost because she quitted. And so, she was a loser her whole life & the after-life.

If you haven't read "Life- It's all about being strong"
Click here ---> Life- It's all about being strong!

Written & Published by

Ali Asghar